Fear does not exist in this dojo (but questions do).

At this very moment, I am watching the second installment of one of the greatest quadrilogies the world has ever seen: The Karate Kid. This installment, "Karate Kid II: The Search for Daniel's Dignity," is better than the next two adventures, but not as good as the original. But when I was younger, this was all I cared about. In fact, I saw this exact movie in the theater and it blew my mind.

Some things have stood the test of time, while others have not. One of the constants has been Pat Morita's bottomless supply of humor. Such as this gem:

Daniel: Can you break a log like that, Mr. Miyagi?
Mr. Miyagi: Don't know. Never attacked by tree.

Good God! That shit STILL brings the house down. Unfortunately, Ralph Macchio doesn't stand the test of time quite as well. In 1986, I found him to be the absolute coolest cat ever to get beaten up by Billy Zabka. Twenty-four years later, I find him to be so annoying that I not only feel as though Zabka was possibly given a bad rap, but also that Elizabeth Shue could have done much, much better. With the exception of the following three items:

1. "Aw, C'moooonnn."
2. "Whoa!"
3. "Ouch!"

he only asks questions. How aggravating! And seriously, dude. Take off that stupid headband. You look ridiculous. And it has to smell like a mixture of Drakkar Noir, Aquanet and sweat at this stage in the game.

When I originally saw the movie, I thought that the whole drum-technique-expressed-through-the-doll-thing was kind of interesting. At present, I think that a cameo by Stewart Copeland would have been more effective in conveying a drum technique.

Either way, I own the boxed set (Good lookin' out Laura Kicey!) and I will continue to love the franchise, but after all these years Mr. Miyagi's eternal wit and charm trump any and all whining done by his zany sidekick.

R.I.P., Pat Morita. Your performances in the Karate Kid movies are matched only by your appearance in that Tony's Pizza commercial once upon a time.

Currently blasting: Peter Cetera-"Glory of Love"